Random Thoughts

Here are a couple of random thoughts that are in no way related to each other. It's one of those days where I simply do not feel motivated enough to craft an entire coherent idea. You want that shit, you can go to one of those "educated" blogs that is written by "people who are not mentally retarded."

So this whole United Arab Emirates port thing fell through recently. I tell you, I'm a little disappointed in that. So what if the country was the home of two of the 9/11 hijackers, or that it has repeatedly supported terrorism in the past? This is port security that we're talking about here. It's important that we find individuals who can get into the minds of the terrorists and figure out what they will do next. Who better to do that than the actual terrorists? It's kind of like when Rocky asked Apollo Creed to train him in Rocky III. And gay beach hugs aside, that partnership was certainly successful; Clubber Lang did not stand a chance.

It's NCAA tournament time, and this is the year that I'm finally going to win my pool. Having seen the girl in the pool who has no basketball knowledge whatsoever routinely beat me for at least seven years now, I'm employing a new strategy: this year I'm going to start thinking like a woman when I make my picks. Unfortunately for me, as any girl I've dated/talked to/drunkenly pawed at can attest, I have absolutely no idea how women think. Still, I was persistent in attempting to think like a woman. I popped in a John Mayer CD, watched an episode of Sex and the City, and then cried for no apparent reason. After that, I was prepared to make my NCAA picks, and it became immediately clear to me who will win the entire thing. Now you may be asking yourself who I picked to win it all. Well, I could tell you, but if you really knew me you would already know who I was thinking of.

God bless American innovation: first the cotton gin, then the light bulb, and now the Donut Burger. A minor league baseball team called the Gateway Grizzlies has begun offering at their ballpark a surefire cure for the lack of sustenance that has currently been plaguing most of America, the Donut Burger. The burger will consist of a hamburger topped with cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon, placed between two Krispy Kreme glazed donuts. ESPN.com reported that the burger is expected to contain over 1000 calories and 45 grams of fat. To put that in context, the entire population of Somalia probably consumed around 1100 calories today total (numbers based on pure conjecture). I'm all for this invention, and can't wait to see it make its way to Wrigley Field, where I would certainly eat it every time I see the Cubs play. That way, I would only have at most about 20 more years of Cubs futility to deal with in my lifetime, rather than the regular 50-60.