On this date, February 27, 2007, the Irish Rambler formally decrees the following:

It is no longer acceptable for white guys with acoustic guitars to perform mellow covers of hip hop songs. There are currently two egregious violators of this ruling, and they most certainly will be prosecuting ex post facto if they do not immediately cease and desist. The first of the two violators is a band called Obadiah Parker (which, if it were the name of a person would either be the whitest name ever, or the blackest name ever, with no in-between) which performs an acoustic version of "Hey Ya" which I have had the displeasure of hearing on the radio lately. The second is an acoustic version of Usher's "Yeah" performed by somebody named Jim Lyman.

Look, this scthik was tired eight years ago when Dynamite Hack did a version of "Boyz-N-The-Hood," and it hasn't gotten any funnier since. We get it: you're really white. You know how to play an acoustic guitar like John Mayer or Jack Johnson. You own many trucker hats and polo shirts. Ooh, listen to you: the uber-white kid who probably graduated from Miami of Ohio sounds so funny talking about "ho's" and "hustlas." The irony that you are really white but choose to sing a black song is so amazing that I just can't get my head around it; I need to hear the song over and over again to fully comprehend its greatness. How has Saturday Night Live not already locked down a genius of such immense comic talent as yourself?

It's over; I've had it. I will no longer be tolerating such jackassery. We as a nation must stand up and demand that these hemp necklace-wearing motherfuckers stop poisoning our musical landscape. If you want to make people laugh by your singing, it's simple, really: all you need to do is become Asian and tone-deaf.